I switched back to Microsoft Windows, here's why


As you guys may know if you have been a speedie.site reader for a while, I was a Gentoo user, and recently I switched to using Arch full time. However, I am yet again switching operating system because I just found out Windows is the best operating system ever made.

Linux sucks, but Windows is awesome!

Now, most of you probably use some open source Linux distribution on your computer. But Linux is open source, and that's bad. That means Russian hackers can steal your porn collection because of course they can see all the source code and backdoor it. When you're using Microsoft Windows on the other hand, the only one who can access your data is Microsoft, who will send that data to the NSA. This also makes sure your data is safe, and that you're following the law like any good citizen. When I'm using Windows I feel safe and no malware has access to my data. The same cannot be said for Linux or any other open source operating system

These Linux users who never go outside or shower will say that this is malicious, or that it is spyware, or any other nonsense but the fact of the matter is the government already knows everything about you anyway. You should not care about privacy if you have nothing to hide, so of course Linux users have a lot to hide. The government would never do anything bad anyway, they only want the best for you.

Tiling window managers suck

Why would you use a tiling window manager? Only hackers use those. Tiling window managers are also really hard to use, I mean think about all the keybinds you need to remember to get good at using one.

What about speedwm? I'm just kidding, I've been secretly using GNOME for years, and I was never using speedwm in the first place. Hating Wayland? Actually, I've been using a Wayland session on GNOME for a long time now. As we all know, X11 is old and slow, and it's not written in Rust so that makes it instantly bad. spmenu? It's just rofi with a theme.

C programming language? Hell no, it's so hard to learn and it's so old. Real programmers use JavaScript for the frontend and Rust for the backend. Recently though, I've started using C# which is superior to both of these in every way. We all love Micorsoft.

Vim is only used by furries, neckbeards and weirdos

Vim is a meme Linux users force onto new users. In reality, Vim is hard to use and it's so slow, I can't even figure out how to exit it. If I can't even exit it, how can I use it to write code? Why wouldn't you just use a mouse anyway? It's not 1983 anymore, we have modern, proper computers for real people now. The only people who still use Vim are neckbeards who want to look cool on the internet but in reality don't have a life.

Visual Studio Code on the other hand is the greatest code editor ever and it's what I've been using for months now, while people were under the impression that I'm an avid Vim user. It's "open source" so that the Linux neckbeards will use it, but uses a mouse, because it's 2023 and if you're not using a mouse for everything except typing, you're lost in the past. It also supports JavaScript plugins and has a lot of Microsoft telemetry, so they know you're doing a good job writing programs for the future.

Installing programs

Linux users claim that using their terrible package managers is better than downloading executables from the internet directly. This is just not true, because the package managers can be hijacked remotely by Russia to spread propaganda to all of the users. This doesn't happen when you download random executables from the internet, because Microsoft Defender is guarding your computer, and has a 100% success rate. As soon as malware tries to attack your computer, Microsoft Defender is there to stop it.

Software minimalism

Software minimalism is all a big joke. Why do you need your computer to use 100MB of system RAM idle? Unused RAM is wasted RAM. Microsoft makes sure to leave no RAM wasted, which makes it much better. Unlike suckless, Microsoft makes feature complete software that normal people can use. In fact, suckless is just a software project created by Microsoft's worst employees created to trick Linux users into thinking Linux is unusable, thus getting them to move over to Windows. Microsoft makes sure people join the beautiful land of Windows, where no one falls for memes, and everyone is secure.

Conclusion then. After I found out Windows is better than Linux, I have decided to stop working on my meme projects, and join Bill Gates in helping him build the best operating system for normal people. Linux furries and neckbeards, join the land of Microsoft today, stop using the Matrix meme, come back to Discord, assist Microsoft and the NSA in catching criminals, and become a real member of society today. It's only a $100 operating system.